Tag Archives: attention

PASEO Program Adventure—Day 38: Huanchaco, Peru

This morning (Monday), we had our class on DBT (Terapia Conductual Dialéctica), which focused on chain analysis—an integral part of this type of therapy. Chain analysis looks at the ineffective behavior an individual has conducted, in addition to the precipitating event that led to the behavior. From there, vulnerabilities surrounding the behavior and event are explored, as well as consequences stemming from the behavior, and links in between (such as actions, bodily sensations, cognitions, events, and feelings). While it’s definitely not easy being cognizant of each link when analyzing a behavior or triggering event, practicing this type of thinking and analysis regarding our actions truly helps us be more mindful of our behaviors and ways in which we can improve and react to situations differently in the future.

We also learned about validation, and the importance behind this seemingly simply concept. More often than not, we tend to respond to dilemas that others are facing by trying to fix their problems or simplify the situation. Has anyone ever told you that what you’re experiencing isn’t really all that difficult, or that you’ve overcome similar (or harder) situations before, so you’ll figure out a way to do the same once again? While the latter statement may in fact be true, it’s not exactly the response we’re always looking for. In fact, for some, this type of “validation” may lead to experiencing self-doubt in how the individual reacts to and handles trying situations.

So how do we validate what an individual is going through? Instead of trying to solve or minimize their problem, we just need to be attentive and truly listen to what they are saying. While it’s much easier to jump in and interrupt with our perceived “wisdom,” active listening will go even further and make an even greater impact. 

We were left with a quote in our class that truly resonated. It translates to something along the lines of: “Sometimes we simply need someone to be with us, not to solve our problems or anything in particular—just to make us feel that we have their support and that we are important to them.” That right there is the simplest form of validation. More often than not, all we really need is somebody to listen to us. And in that moment alone, when we have that person’s undivided attention and support, we can feel validated and supported in whatever it is that we may be experiencing.

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PASEO Program Adventure—Day 31: Huanchaco y El Porvenir, Peru

This morning (last Monday), we started the second half of our program with a class on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT, or Terapia Contactual Dialéctica in Spanish). DBT believes that people are doing the best they can, but that we can always do better. And if you really think about it, we can do better in any given aspect of our lives- especially in areas we are trying to work on. Trough acceptance, mindfulness, and distress tolerance, the aim is to attain emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness.

A big tenant of DBT is Mindfulness, which centers on paying attention in the present moment without any judgments. While at first glance, we may think this is a simple concept, imagine how quick we are to judge different situations we face on a daily basis. The trick here is to put these judgments aside and observe the present moment we are living in and experiencing, both willingly and willfully.

We learned about three different types of minds, so to speak that are important to understand- really in any area of life if you find yourself communicating with others. Some people think with a rational mind (often times parents), others think with an emotional mind (often times adolescents), and others think with a wise mind. None of these are bad or worse than any other, but it’s important to understand that we each make decisions differently. Not everybody thinks alike, and in general, if we can try to understand this concept, we may find that we can work together more easily to come to agreements and find solutions.

After class, we had our weekly meeting with a group of local women and family members in El Porvenir that I spoke about in prior posts. Each week, two students from the program are responsible for teaching the group members relaxation and emotional regulation techniques for them to utilize at any given moment and teach others in their community. This week’s topic focused on effective communication, because often times, this is a skill that each of us can improve upon.

Think about it. How many times do you get home and have your parent/child/significant other “nag” you about something you did or didn’t do? And how many times do we do the same to those around us? While we may like to think that accusations, assumptions, and commands are part of effective communication, unfortunately they aren’t.

In the group, we discussed ways to empower the participants to express themselves more openly, because often times they may not have the opportunity to do so.

Effective communication is as simple as: 1. Describe the situation, 2. Express how the situation makes you feel, 3. Recognize the good intentions or feelings of the other person, 4. Ask/Make the request of what you would like the other person to do.

If we can feel validated for our effort or intentions as opposed to feeling guilty for possibly making a mistake or forgetting something, we’ll likely try that much harder and work with the other person to get the job done as opposed to arguing back and shutting down.

Even though these steps sound beyond simple, it takes practice to build effective communication, but it’s a worthwhile skill that can take us very far in any kind of relationship.

Snapshot Challenge Saturday

Fitting in and the desire to be socially accepted by others are age old concepts that follow us all the way from childhood up until our senior years. We desperately seek the approval from those around us, and in many instances, we even change who we are to please a certain group of people.

We continuously strive for an acceptance from others, when in fact, we should be the only ones needing to accept us as who we are. Only when we become comfortable with ourselves can we become more comfortable with those around us. And only when we can learn to accept ourselves can this yearning for social desirability and approval slowly disappear.

As I got out of my car to run some errands, I noticed a beautiful duck crossing the street. It took its time, and didn’t care that there were impatient people whose busy schedules were now put on a momentary pause. Instead, the duck slowly waddled and even stopped for a photograph. 

If we could make an effort to care less about what others think and care more about accepting ourselves for who we are, we’d experience less stress on a daily basis. We’d probably even be able to focus our attention on things that are much more important (like a perfectly posed duck in the middle of the street).

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Day 2 In Cartagena, Colombia Continued: Touring Boca Azul

After canoeing in La Boquilla, we took a tour of a local school, Boca Azul, which is supported by Foundation Casa Italia. Boca Azul is a school that serves more than 300 children in La Boquilla, and they serve the poorest children who are in the need of the most help. The children who attend Boca Azul are between the ages of 1 to 14 years old and receive a full-time education, school support, one meal per day (which makes this the only place in the city for children to receive a free meal), first aid and medical attention, and after school activities. Keep in mind, this is an area where most children in similar situations would not receive any sort of education or medical attention, so Boca Azul is an incredible organization helping children who would otherwise have no hope for a brighter future.

Boca Azul was founded by Guiseppe Mazzoni, a long-standing Official and General in the Italian Airforce and his wife Rosy Soprano. Having moved from Italy, Rosy explains, “It was more than absolute poverty and malnutrition. The absence of any family support for these children abandoned in the street and ignored by all really opened our eyes. We had to do something.” Rosy and Guiseppe created a cultural center known as the Foundation Casa Italia in the city that promotes Italian culture, with hopes of increasing locals’ knowledge of Italy and its culture. Through their foundation, they have been able to start Boca Azul, which is the only school in the area that teaches Spanish, Italian, and English for free.

The children in Boca Azul spoke and sang to us in Spanish, Italian, and English, and some of them even put on a show for us! It was truly an incredible opportunity to see such a great school and to meet Rosy and Guiseppe. They are such selfless individuals who have dedicated their lives to helping provide these children with childhoods and futures that they deserve.

To learn more about Boca Azul, you can visit their website at: http://www.casaitaliaong.org/it/indexEN.html

Boca Azul
Library In Boca Azul
Computer Room In Boca Azul
Kitchen In Boca Azul
Classroom In Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul
The Children of Boca Azul